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MatPlus.Net Forum Promenade Yesterday, in a chess cafe
 
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(1) Posted by Hauke Reddmann [Monday, Jan 17, 2011 11:29]

Yesterday, in a chess cafe


<<<Editorial Note: appeared first in "Rochade" ca. 2006,
translated -with some poetic licence- on the fly today.
Idea stolen from Ted Brandhorst, PDB0005367. I have the
feeling that all versions - play to monochrome, play
to checkers, play to checkers-mate - still have room
for move length improment, feel free to do so.>>>



So the other day I went into a chess cafe, and two geezers
are carefully toting a built-up chess set from a janitors
closet to a free table. And off they go, in a speed only
seen at Internet Bullet games. Of course I have to kiebitz.
1.a4 Lookums, a) a patzer. Or b) overdose of British GM.
1...Sf6 What, no Shepherds mate attempt? Rather b) then?
2.Sa3 He still crawls along the border.
2...b5 Obviously a variation of the Wolga Gambit.
3.axb5 d6 4.b6!! Ha! The attempted positional pressure
on the b file is cancelled by immediate pawn returnment!
4...axb6 5.g4 Lolwut? Offering the pawn to get the long
diagonal with gain of tempo?
5...Sxg4 6.Bh3 Sxh2 Stop the press, evidently two complete
nincompoops are on the loose.
7.c3 Bxh3 8.Qc2 Ra7 9.Qxh7 f6 Must...not...have...nervous...
breakdown...Do those two complete morons know anything
but the rules?
10.Qxh3 Kf7 11.e3 Kg6 12.Qxg3 Kh3 God please, mate him!
If I have to watch this game one second longer I take the
cake shovel and RUN AMOK!
13.Rxh2# "MATE!!" I scream with a look like a cow on BSE.
"Excuse my impoliteness but you desperately need to play
something else than chess!"
The two geezers look at me, nonplussed.
"We do! The innkeeper has no checkers set, so we just
take chess figures, m'kay? Your move, Fritz, the starting
position is set!"

Hauke
 
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(2) Posted by Sergiy Didukh [Tuesday, Jan 18, 2011 21:43]

Thanks, Hauke, for this huge dose of chess humour. I want more!
 
 
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(3) Posted by Axel Gilbert [Tuesday, Jan 18, 2011 23:40]; edited by Axel Gilbert [11-01-18]

:-)
I like it !
 
   
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(4) Posted by Hauke Reddmann [Wednesday, Jan 19, 2011 12:17]

THX for all my groupies for the heads up, but I fear
whereas my club zine INSELSCHACH is stuffed to the gills
with mirth and mayhem, only very rarely it is mirth
related to *problem* chess. The only thing I recall
on the spot is a diagram "Legals Mate" (showing Legals
Mate, duh) accompanied by another diagram "Illegals Mate"
(the unintended joke relative to MPF being that almost
any sillyness shown there is fairily standard somehow).

http://www.bambam42.de/is/is97/legal.jpg

Hauke
 
 
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MatPlus.Net Forum Promenade Yesterday, in a chess cafe